Ten years ago, I thought I would be married by now. (Let us all laugh together, I know you thought so too if you aren’t married of course… hahaha!) Our parents would get married in their late teens and early twenties and so anyone in their twenties seemed to have their lives put together and all figured out. Aside from marriage, I had ideas and ambitions that I thought would come to pass by now. I had everything planned out. I knew exactly what I wanted to accomplish, but I have barely seen the fullness of it all. In your twenties, life seems to be fast-paced and social media has a way of making you feel inferior to your peers. Your friends are getting married and having families, others are already driving their own cars, others are always traveling outside the country yet your life is the normal daily routine. I am aware of the fake lives that are portrayed on social media, but if you are not careful, you could be sucked into the world of feeling inferior and completely unaccomplished. Realizing all this, I decided to go easy on myself. I believe that we are all learning on the job. These are the things that have been such a great revelation to me in this season.
There was a time I was completely scared of being single and alone. I mean if I was not in a relationship, I was in a ‘situationship’ (a thing with a guy). If I was not having a crush on someone, I was definitely flirting with someone else. At the time, I had a false sense of identity. Having a boyfriend validated my beauty and worth, and so without one, I felt like I was not good or pretty enough. It made me feel wanted and acceptable among my peers as well as in society. In fact, when one relationship did not work, it was easier to be in a rebound relationship than dealing with the pain of moving on from the emotional entanglement. I never knew it at the time, but I was so empty within; something I have realized recently. I loved the thrill of chatting till late at night with some random guy. I liked being told ‘sweet-nothings’. I spent so much of time in this pattern, precious time that I could have grown as a person and even grown so deep in my relationship with God. However, I wouldn’t change a single thing if I could go back in time simply because I have learned some valuable lessons in the process. That vicious relationship cycle tampered with my self-worth and identity. However, now that I am so concerned and interested in the things of God, I have been SINGLED OUT BY HIM in this single season. It’s so beautiful! Jesus wants to be the one filling up our voids so that we do not try to fill them up with something or someone else. I realized that I felt and seemed completely okay before giving myself FULLY to Jesus. I never realized how much I needed him until I fully surrendered everything. I wrote a post about being in isolation with God here. (You should check it out if you haven’t already). 🙂
2. Leave your burdens at the altar
I have become fully convinced that most marriage problems emanate from the fact that the people involved never dealt with some of their baggage before getting married. A cheating spouse was probably involved in fornication and has never repented or been delivered from it. A physically or emotionally abusive spouse probably felt oppressed in their childhood and only let it out through exerting harm on their beloved. A lying spouse probably never understood the value of good communication, honoring commitments and being truthful. A spouse who mismanages funds or does not carry out their responsibilities never understood the value of money. It is completely unfair to get married to someone, or even be in a relationship with someone when you have not completely healed from certain issues and pain. It leaves your significant other in a state of constantly validating you and this can be so draining and frustrating. In your single season, make it a priority to get rid of any weight that is a set back in your life. It is in this season that hurtful moments from my past have come up one by one, and I have been laying them all at Jesus’ feet as they come up. Let Psalm 55:22 be your guiding verse in relation to this;
Cast [your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you;
He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.
3. Become a better you
I love how comfortable, confident and content I have been in myself during this season. Years ago, I was a young girl who did not really know herself and I could easily be manipulated and taken advantage of. I love how far I have come and how much I have grown.. People, relationships, money, friendships, education among many other things do not define me, my relationship with God does. In this single season, take time and develop in character, confidence, personality, relationships with people as well as with God. Travel whenever you can, seize every opportunity and enter any doors God has opened up without hesitation. My life currently involves school, work, and church among many other things. It is normally very tiring to be all over the place doing all kinds of different things. However, I know a time will come when I will be at home, raising godly children. One day I will be old and retired growing in marriage with the husband of my youth. And as every season comes with its own needs and requirements, it is important to be the best version of yourself in every single one of them. Grow in your prayer life, read your Bible more, pray for your future family and future self. Find your passion and run after it. But always remember the fact that your dreams and passions should never take the place of God in your heart and life.
I know there are many lessons that fall within this season, but these are the three main ones that have really stood out for me. I am completely relaxed and waiting patiently for the appointed time. Find peace in your single season. If you are not happy and content in this season, chances are you will still be very unhappy even after marriage. I have decided to take my time and not to be anxious about all this. Besides, you will literally have your spouse’s company till the day you die! 😀
What are you learning in your single season? If married, what lessons can you share with us? I would really like to hear your thoughts in the comments below. 🙂
I wish you nothing but happiness and rest in this season. Remember that seasons come and go, but the Word and faithfulness of God remain constant all through.
I occasionally model bridal gowns for Liana Bridal House, if you or your friend’s wedding is coming up, be sure to check out their page. Here are a few of their designs… 🙂
Studio: Metz Photolab
Photographer: Scott Gideons
Bridal gowns: Liana Bridal House
Thank you so much for taking the time to read. 🙂
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