I don’t think this is the right time for us to be together. I love you, but I wish I met you later on in the future. I love you but, I am not ready. I love you, but you are too fat or skinny for me. I love you but it’s not you, it’s me. I love you, but we cannot be together. I love you, but I love someone else…
There could be many other reasons and excuses that you have been told. Excuses that kept you at the ‘waiting bay’. I loved the analogy that my friend Libby Ndambo told me some time back. Her past relationships always made her feel like she was that book in the library which someone picks, peruses through, and puts right back on the shelf. They made her feel like she was never good enough to be pursued and loved until the end. (PS: I am happy to report that she is now a happily married woman).
I related with this so deeply because that had been my experience. It felt like I was never good enough. The advice that came my way was quite overwhelming. I was told that a woman should never present herself as ‘easy’ to the opposite sex; men love a woman who plays hard to get. They want the chase and the pursuit to satisfy their manly competitive nature. That they always wanted to feel like they worked hard to get their woman. As a matter of fact, once they have chased and ‘won’ you over, you will never lose them. Consequently, I applied all the ‘rules’ and advice so well; the relationship would start out so beautifully. However, it would only end up with tears, a broken heart, and the whole difficult process of healing.
I couldn’t help but wonder why my relationships could not pass the 7-month threshold. The only one that did was an on and off relationship that went on for three years. Either way, something was bound to happen every 7 months. I got all kinds of ‘relationship advice’ to address this particular situation. One, in particular, was that since all my relationships ended prematurely, then I was the constant factor! This person told me that I am the problem; my own downfall! I remember how this ‘light’ comment tortured me. I called myself to meetings to dig deep into these words. I did not just want to dismiss this person’s remarks. I had to analyze the statement to check whether there could be some truth in it.
I am not too proud to admit that I have hurt some people and made mistakes in the past. I mean, haven’t we all? Consequently, I started believing that I could be the problem after all. As expected, my self-image and worth were crippled to such demeaning levels. I felt ‘privileged’ when a man asked me to be with him, even if for a time. Moreover, I had to put in all the work to keep the relationship. In the end, I was never satisfied since deep down, I knew I was not being loved fully. It is detrimental to be in a relationship while harboring a distorted self-image and worth. The problem that arises is the need for validation and assurance from your partner, a situation that leads to great disappointment. I remember crying out to God in those difficult moments. I was able to experience his love and see myself as He sees me.
Secondly, I understood that I am worthy of full and complete love from a committed man. I deserve to be loved without any excuses or compromises. My prayers are geared towards that. I love how loving God has enabled me to love myself more. It has enabled me to see my own value and understand that I have so much love to offer as well. You deserve pure perfect love. Not settling for ‘I love you, but…’, and instead, settling for ‘I love you, because…’.
Our reference is the man of Jesus. An example of love has never been more well set. Who labors in unmerited pain for me to live in unmerited favor if not for love? Yes, it was love when He hugged a tree from behind as he gave his life for me. My sins, wrapped in fine linen, had a fragrance of hope inside a grave just because He loved me. Death, as cruel and dark as it is, was a bright idea to Him in the name of love. Dark was the day, but the Son would rise in the morning because He loved me. He proved that I am worth it! Not settling for less bares the responsibility of giving this kind of love to the man of my life. It is not easy, but we ought to become like Him every day in our relationships.
For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose [Philippians 2:13].
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Ohhh wow this is such a beautiful read! You have managed to capture what many a girl child go through in this search for true love. Haha I always laugh when I hear people say that btw, “looking for true love”. In actual fact, TRUE LOVE FINDS US EVERYDAY! Jesus Christ is all the love a girl or guy could truly need, the rest which is also important, shall be added unto us after our relationship with God becomes rock solid.
Wow!!! So true Moni. Thank you so much for taking the time to read. God bless you so much girlie.
This is an amaaazing read love, every gal needs to know her value and that they are worth persuing,. Asante kukubali kutumiwa na Mungu.
Amen and amen Sarah. Thank you for taking the time to read this post.
This is such a beautiful read Mumbua! (and oh so timely for me 🙂
The constant search for affirmation in the arms of the person you think you love is draining. Every woman deserves to be pursued, be loved deeply and fully and we can only understand that by constantly asking God to reveal to us how He loves us. I have had this prayer for a few days and I hope it helps you too: I am constantly asking God to remind me that He loves, and that I am precious in His sight. His affirmation through His word has been comforting.
I am so happy to read this. It makes me so glad that this has ministered to you. Thank you so much for reading.
Wow wow. This is so powerful.
It takes Humility to be vulnerable to impact others. Thank you.
It really does. Your comment here is so humbling. Thank you so much for reading.
I enjoyed reading this piece. What stood out most for me was the scripture you quoted. It’s actually my word for this season. Thank you girl. God order your steps …
Wow Lilian. Thank you so much for reading this piece. I am so happy it blessed you. Baraka!
Thank you so much for reading Daisy. God bless you so much.
😂 😂 Felt like you were telling my story at some point. I love how vulnerable you get in this piece. So many women could use this. Just knowing that even in that dark place, there is hope of coming out, that our true worth is in Christ and it is okay to want to be loved the Christ way. You’re doing a great job Mumbua and soon enough, you will see the influence this has caused. More grace to you as you minister to us. ❤️
My goodness Fiona!! Such powerful words you have written here. I am so overwhelmed. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. God bless you. Amen and amen to all you have spoken over me. I pray the same blessings and impact over you!
This article has brought so many good and bad memories while dating .Every girl needs to read this and know that they’re beautiful and deserve the very best and let God lead you in every step and things will flow perfectly well.
Wow Naomi. Thank you sooo much for this. It had really really broken my heart in a beautiful way. Reading your comment has reminded me how far I have come from. Thank you so much for commenting. God bless you so much.
THIIIIIIIS!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Such a timely, timely reminder!🙏🏾 Thank you for sharing this Sarah!😊 You write beautifully, I really enjoyed the read!😊
It’s okay to want to be loved the Christ way. It’s okay to have standards based on the value that Jesus paid for us to have. What better love exists than His perfect love? 😭😭😭 thankyou Mumbua for cementing the fact that we deserve to be valued..to be cherished.. Jesus died so that we know that 😭 Your vulnerability is not on vain ❤ love you so much!
Awwwwww… such kind heart-felt words. Thank you so much for reading this piece and even commenting. It means so much to me. Love you too
Deepness… I love love this piece dearie♥️♥️be you and keep loving you♥️♥️♥️♥️
Thank you so much for reading Purity. It is a real honour to see your comment here.
Wow, thank you Mumbua. I relate to this so much. Thank God for His LOVE! Realizing our worth us from God and not from relationships is so freeing. God bless you extra!
I am so happy you could relate to this we well dear. Thank you so much for reading and may God bless you immensely and intensely.
That’s a whole preaching. God bless you!
God definitely has a standard for the love we should receive even while dating. Listening to Him makes us know who we are and we stop defining us by how other people see/treat us.
Knowing God and what He has called us is just the best thing.
Wow girlie!! Yeeeessss! Thank you so much for reading my post!! Your words are so encouraging.
I couldn’t agree more Mumbua! Loving ourselves and understanding our worth through the lense of Jesus is the way we get to know what we deserve in a man! Thank you ❤️!! Such a worthy read
So beautiful. I am glad this is your reality. Thank you so much for reading and even commenting.
Woow, lovely read.. I love how open and vulnerable you are to simply put these truths out here for everyone to read. We can only know our true worth by seeing ourselves in God’s eyes. We can only be perfectly loved and love perfectly by first receiving God’s love. 🙌☺️
Speak this wisdom Mary Gloria! It is so true. Thank you so much for reading and even commenting. God bless you so much.
What can I say, Why am I older than you. Clearly you have more insight than I could ever offer to you. Thank you so much for this. All that you have said was brilliant and God-ordained I could not add anything to it.
Awwwww Mutheu. I really love you. I will always need your advice and guidance,that can never change. I really look up to you. Thank you so much for reading and you are welcome as well.
Thank you Mumbua for sharing your experience. Many will be impacted and transformed by this piece. You are a blessing!
Amen! Thank you so much Stevey.
This is so so timely. Also hehhh Umeshouuutttt!! Umesema ukweli yote kabsaaaa. God bless you. I felt at some point you were just reading and saying my story out loud. Thank you for sharing! Much much love.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read. You are awesome.
Insightful read. You are blessed and you are a blessing too. More Grace.
Amen.. thank you so much for reading. God bless you.
Beautifully raw! Keep raining… Ms. Mumbua
Wow Tindi. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.