I want to get a bit personal, perhaps brutal… because I just need to set some things straight. I wanted to write about this for quite some time, but this is the best time. I will probably hurt some feelings, face resentment and some may even call me backward, but it’s the truth. From my own experience, it never ends well when a woman chases a man. From the moment you get interested in him, till the commencement of the relationship, you, as the woman, will always be running the relationship and even the marriage. I know this because I have been there… Oops! Yes, I said it. I was in the school of thought that it will just work out, that we are all modern and that there are no repercussions. I thought wrong, and here’s why…

I know this for a fact; men are wired to chase, to pursue and compete against one another. That’s just how it is. Allow me to get a bit cliche here… but Adam was the one who saw Eve after she was created from his rib and exclaimed, ‘This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’. It wasn’t the other way around. I believe that was a clear indication of how God intended courtship and marriage to be. When a woman, takes the initial step of pursuing a man, she literally strips him of his ‘right’, his ‘authority’ and his ‘responsibility’… Most of the times he may be interested in you, but he will never have the ‘liberty’ to pursue you.

I remember when I was lost in that kind of thinking… When I chased down some guy I really thought I wanted to be with, I did it with all my energy and might. (If only I could have pursued God that much at the time). But I just felt that he was the one I was meant to be with. I actually told myself that I would never find a guy who would ever love me if I did not end up with him. Thank God I realized that they were all just lies from the Devil. I struggled with identity at the time, and forcing a relationship with some man made me feel like I was complete… but I wasn’t! I actually felt completely worthless because this particular guy had made me feel that way. I wish I knew then what I know now, that my identity was completely hidden and protected in God. That that was where I was meant to find my identity; in Him.

Chasing down a man, honey, does not make you powerful or liberated, it only makes you vulnerable and susceptible to compromise. As a woman, you end up yielding to demands that only diminish your worth and respect. And don’t even get me started on how you will always be the one working to ensure that the relationship works. I know there are some success stories about women who pursued their current husbands and that they are working out well. This is just not what I wanted for my own story. When anyone asks me how I met my significant other, I want to confidently mention that he pursued me, clearly outlined his intentions, spoiled me with gifts and love and finally asked me to marry him. That’s who I am, as traditional as they come.

As I finish off, let me just clearly state that the most important aspect of any relationship is when God is at the center of it all. As a woman who is pursuing God, don’t let an unbeliever pursue you. Let only the man who is madly in love with God chase you… he will love you in the right way, just as you deserve.

Know you worth, find your identity in Christ!




With lots of love,


44 responses to “WHEN A WOMAN PURSUES A MAN…”

  1. Awesome read Mumbua…big fan of yours.

    Quick question…what if that lady just pushed that ignition button by making the first move, hence causing the guy understand what was going on. I know of some men who didnt know how to start it off, but once ignited, a fire burst out…and it is all things go!

  2. Hallo, thank you so much for your humbling comment. Well, that actually does happen, some men are pretty shy. But just as you have mentioned, it’s all things go when the woman shows the man that she is actually interested. It’s no problem for a woman to show that she is interested in the man,what becomes an issue is when the woman is always the one planning the dates, buying the gifts and planning the direction of the relationship. Not that women shouldn’t initiate conversations about such things or gift their partners, but the man needs to actively be the leader. I hope this is a suitable answer. 🙂

  3. I conquer with your sentiments. When a lady does pursue, she should be ready to sweat it out because she will have to drive the relationship..you not only end up frustrated but also tired

  4. Woooooosh!!!!! PREACH IT GIRL!!!!!! I went through it myself as well….it is so draining…smh!!!! Thank the Lord for Salvation, I got born again, again and decided that Jesus is Lord over all and no one is ever going to make me doubt my WORTH ever again!!!! This is just the truth and nothing but….

    • Hallo Gloria, I am so glad you find this relatable. At the end of the day, God is the one who is meant to write our love stories. Sometimes taking matters into our own hands just isn’t the right way of doing things. Thank you so much for your comment, it is much appreciated

  5. i totally agree with your article, a woman needs to be pursed not the other way round, i liked our you have used the bible as your reference.

  6. Great piece Sarah. Now as you finished off, please kindly explain….. “let the only man who is madly in love with God chase you…” Who is this man to be precise? Evenso, good job. keep it up!

  7. I totally agree with you on this one.:as much as the world is becoming modernised and digital every day i am the kind who still believes in the traditions just as you have said the pursuing game is for the male and not the other way round!we women we should know our worth,never settle for less let him do the chasing and when he finally wins you over he will be proud of the both of you!!Though there is this article i read recently that everything has changed including dating meaning;”when a lady likes a man she should approach him and tell him so”…but i say this chasing game is meant for the male species as specified in the bible 😄😄 actually they do it better 😂😂

    • Hallo, thank you so much for your comment. You are absolutely right. The Bible never runs out of fashion, it is never backward. People are trying to change things in God’s word in order to suit them, but it just isn’t what God intended. We women really need to wake up and do things the way he intended them. Great insight there!

  8. Mumbua you have spoken (written) like ten thousand women!!! I truly understand this too… been there, done that and I’m glad I let my hubby pursue me… it gets tiresome when the order of heaven is not followed.
    Spot on!!!

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to read. Your comment really helps considering you are married and that you were once there. Women should be pursued, things are more beautiful that way. 🙂

  9. I loooove the confidence and most certain details. It’s true, women are to be chased and a man is supposed to workhard to keep her after he finds her. I love the chase. Young ladies better know their priorities and place. Stay put aligned with the queens, your king will definitely find you.

  10. Thank you so much siz for this great piece. It is soo liberating not only to ladies but also to gentlemen; for some who may have decided not to take the first step can reconsider there stand.
    Continue the great work. God bless you dear.

  11. Hallo Yohboss, thank you so much for commenting and for your humbling remarks. Every godly woman needs a godly man who will stand by her and lead her into knowing Christ even much better. That means that that particular man must be having an active relationship with God, i.e. be led by God so that he can lead his woman. (But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.- 1 Cor 11:3) 🙂

  12. It never ends well for the lady. It’ll boost his ego since he’s being pampered and pursued but he’ll eventually chase the one he’s been eyeing…

  13. I like this article a lot. And I’m a huge supporter of traditionalism. My sentiment, however, will not be so much from a spiritual perspective though.
    I agree with you. Men are designed to be chasers. With this, rejection is one of the two possible logical outcomes and thus we are also designed to handle it. The reverse applies for women. For a woman to actively be the active pursuer, that can be tricky for a guy. Personally, this would be hard because there may be a possibility that I’m not interested in this woman who is chasing me. And because I’m not used to being chased, rejecting her will be hard because I don’t know how to even begin. Also, it makes me question her motives. This is made harder by the fact that women are more emotional that men in most instances. Usually men only chase women they find attractive and avoid those who they don’t. There is nothing wrong with a woman throwing hints. These are actually welcomed 😄. And contrary to popular beliefs, men do read these hints most of the time so if they don’t act on them they are probably not interested.

  14. Interesting educative piece. It even becomes better when its foundation is based on the Biblical story of creation and God’s plan for procreation.
    Sometimes I think we earthly people try so hard to write our own life stories, only to fail eventually. But when we Let Go and Let God, the story becomes beautifully written.

    As a man, I prefer to do the chasing, I prefer that lady who makes me earn her worth. A man will stick to a lady whom he invested his time, energy finances to get, rather than one who came too easily by herself to whom he feels less obligated.

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    • Hallo Jimmy, I am really humbled that you find my work impressive. I have actually been looking into ways I can upgrade my site. Thank you so much for reaching out. Your work is very impressive, I love it! I will save your number and should give you a call soon.

  16. What if a man pursues you and only wants you to drive the relationship, he has the mentality from his previous relationships that a lady will always disappoint him, so you are left to yearn for that love from him, make a communication and he will respond to it, won’t tell you that he loves you unless you say that to him and will respond ‘me too ‘ , what should you do when you find yourself rooted in such a relationship and deeply in love.

  17. What if a man pursues you and only wants you to drive the relationship, he has the mentality from his previous relationships that a lady will always disappoint him, so you are left to yearn for that love from him, make a communication and he will respond to it, won’t tell you that he loves you unless you say that to him and will respond ‘me too ‘ , what should you do when you find yourself rooted in such a relationship and deeply in love and you want to move on but it’s hard

    • Hallo Chia, thank you so much for commenting. Oh my, this is the kind of situation I was talking about. I have been here so I know exactly what you mean. I am sorry to say this, but that is one man who does not know exactly what he wants. He likes the idea of being with you, and likes you a lot, but in real sense, he may not be sure that he wants to be with you. Do not let him string you along. I think you should move on, a man who understands that you are a dime, a treasure, a gem.. will always remind you of that, and make you feel special. The fact that he is telling you about the disappointments in his previous relationships clearly shows that he needs time to heal, find himself and then be ready to pursue you again. You may decide to stick around in the relationship, because you love him so much. But chances are, he might just tell you he is not ready for anything serious and you will end up with an even bigger heartbreak. You get my point? I know it’s not easy, but girl you are so precious. He needs to find himself first, heal from his previous relationships and then love again. All the best to you girl, you are worth so much.

  18. As a young lady this modern society has programmed us to things the “civilised ” way but somethings are meant to be traditional and shouldn’t be liberalised. Thanks you for the great share.

  19. I agree only slightly, but I kinda disagree to, hear me out, I hit on this guy and it kinda worked out, I think women don’t know the art of getting a man really interested lol they will go all in all at once and this will seem like desperation to a man, I don’t just want to wait and marry the guy who likes me, what about the guy I like lol. I think women should be taught more ways for expressing their love like a lady of course without being too forthcoming, too needy and desperate…. But I respect your way of thinking.

    • Hallo Raisa, thank you so much for commenting. I respect your thought process as well, and I agree to some of it as well. Sweetie, just be careful that you do not end up running the relationship. 🙂 All the best to you dear.

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