I want to get a bit personal, perhaps brutal… because I just need to set some things straight. I wanted to write about this for quite some time, but this is the best time. I will probably hurt some feelings, face resentment and some may even call me backward, but it’s the truth. From my own experience, it never ends well when a woman chases a man. From the moment you get interested in him, till the commencement of the relationship, you, as the woman, will always be running the relationship and even the marriage. I know this because I have been there… Oops! Yes, I said it. I was in the school of thought that it will just work out, that we are all modern and that there are no repercussions. I thought wrong, and here’s why…
I know this for a fact; men are wired to chase, to pursue and compete against one another. That’s just how it is. Allow me to get a bit cliche here… but Adam was the one who saw Eve after she was created from his rib and exclaimed, ‘This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’. It wasn’t the other way around. I believe that was a clear indication of how God intended courtship and marriage to be. When a woman, takes the initial step of pursuing a man, she literally strips him of his ‘right’, his ‘authority’ and his ‘responsibility’… Most of the times he may be interested in you, but he will never have the ‘liberty’ to pursue you.
I remember when I was lost in that kind of thinking… When I chased down some guy I really thought I wanted to be with, I did it with all my energy and might. (If only I could have pursued God that much at the time). But I just felt that he was the one I was meant to be with. I actually told myself that I would never find a guy who would ever love me if I did not end up with him. Thank God I realized that they were all just lies from the Devil. I struggled with identity at the time, and forcing a relationship with some man made me feel like I was complete… but I wasn’t! I actually felt completely worthless because this particular guy had made me feel that way. I wish I knew then what I know now, that my identity was completely hidden and protected in God. That that was where I was meant to find my identity; in Him.
Chasing down a man, honey, does not make you powerful or liberated, it only makes you vulnerable and susceptible to compromise. As a woman, you end up yielding to demands that only diminish your worth and respect. And don’t even get me started on how you will always be the one working to ensure that the relationship works. I know there are some success stories about women who pursued their current husbands and that they are working out well. This is just not what I wanted for my own story. When anyone asks me how I met my significant other, I want to confidently mention that he pursued me, clearly outlined his intentions, spoiled me with gifts and love and finally asked me to marry him. That’s who I am, as traditional as they come.
As I finish off, let me just clearly state that the most important aspect of any relationship is when God is at the center of it all. As a woman who is pursuing God, don’t let an unbeliever pursue you. Let only the man who is madly in love with God chase you… he will love you in the right way, just as you deserve.
Know you worth, find your identity in Christ!
With lots of love,
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