Heartbreaks have a way of making someone feel like their whole world has come to an end. That there is no way to pick yourself up from the situation. A study was done to measure the magnitude and extent of the pain caused by heartbreak. Turns out, it can be likened to the pain felt by a bereaved person. This short video talks about the science behind a heartbreak.
Suzanne mentions that a romantic relationship can be a literal chemical addiction in her post. I mean, it’s only natural since two people have fully invested their time and emotions into it. When this “addiction” comes to an end, the result is overwhelming grief and withdrawal symptoms experienced by a recovering addict. Let’s be honest; it sounds like an insult to those who are bereaved, right? Nonetheless, the extent and magnitude of the pain cannot be ignored. We cannot overlook the fact that some people have gone into depression and even killed themselves when their relationships ended. In extreme cases, some have killed their former partners because they could not handle the feeling of rejection and loss.
It’s okay to grieve a broken relationship. You had invested your time, love, and money into it. It would be strange not to feel anything at all! I know the pain caused by a broken heart. It once took me four years to heal. Another time, I was healed and had the strength to move on in less than a year because of what I am about to discuss. The process of moving on was really hard, but I moved on regardless. This post is very specific to those on the receiving end of a broken heart. I pray it ministers to you and helps you on your journey to complete healing. From my heart to yours, these are the things I learned.
1. A break up does not define your worth
Every break up messed up my self-esteem in ways that affected my life’s perception. I felt completely hopeless because I had attached my value and worth to every relationship I was in. The emptiness I felt when a relationship ended was one that made me feel alone and unwanted. Real feelings of rejection and pain swept into my life in such an overwhelming way that I felt so lost. I never undermine the pain felt in such a situation, it is real and cuts deep. I realized that I let my relationships define me. My value was equivalent to how the man treats me, and this led to many compromises trying to keep relationships that I should not have been in, to begin with. Friend, learn to separate your value and worth from a broken relationship. Those people do not define you or your value. You are good enough and sufficient as you are. You are beautiful or handsome, strong, and completely worth it. You are more than enough and someone else will come into your life and appreciate all that you are.
2. It isn’t the end of the world
Your life is not over. It may feel that way, but it isn’t! God has created us with very beautiful yet powerful emotions. The world feels like it is coming to an end simply because of the time and the willpower you have invested in the relationship. When you feel like your world has come to an end, remind yourself that you are a powerful being who gave love where it was not appreciated. That you once loved, got disappointed, and will still be able to give love to someone who truly deserves it. Choose to look at the heartbreak as an opportunity to learn something new about yourself. Heartbreak lessons are valuable because you learn not only what matters in relationships but in life as well. The broken pieces of your heart form a much better you when assembled back. Gold worth your weight! Your love needs to be given to someone who is worthy of it. The future keeper of your heart needs to be willing and able to commit to you fully. No doubts, no excuses, no delays… just a future partner who will cherish and love you as much as you cherish and love them. Your life is not over, it is just getting started.
3. Let Jesus heal your heart
This may seem cheesy and cliché to a non-believer or a new believer; but this is the only reliable solution that offers complete healing. Pain has different kinds of advice for a broken heart. The pain will tell you to go out and party away. It may tell you to get over a man or woman by getting under another one. The pain will encourage you to get into another relationship so that you can get over your ex. However, all this worldly wisdom will just set you up for a life of jumping from one rebound relationship to another. While thinking that you are finally getting accepted and wanted by someone else, you are only leaving parts of yourself with every person you have an emotional relationship with. We know this about sexual relationships; however, the bond is still as strong even on the emotional aspect. Once you let Jesus take care of your heart and emotions, the vicious cycle ends. He will mend your heart and give you so much peace and joy in the midst of your pain.
In conclusion dear one, guard your heart JEALOUSLY above everything else because that is where the issues of life come from (Proverbs 4:23).
As mentioned earlier, not everyone deserves your heart. Trust God for a loving partner who will be a wonderful custodian of your heart. A God-fearing partner who will stick it out with you, because they chose you. Until that time, it is upon you to lock it safe, give the key to Jesus so that he can give it to the right person at the right time. (I heard this sometime back and I loved the analogy). You deserve 100% commitment from the next person who will come your way. Otherwise, may you find immense healing and peace even as you grow into unlocking your full potential and purpose in God.
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