Sweetheart, I know how you have been searching, struggling and thinking who could possibly love you. I know how you tuck your tummy in every time you go on a date with him because he told you that you are not good enough, not perfect enough. I see how your dresses get shorter by the day and your tops keep getting lower. I know you cry at night, wondering, praying, hoping, longing for him to love you. Your days are spent wondering how you can be more beautiful, so that he can love you, appreciate you and accept you as you are. You go on a diet, not because you want to be healthier, but because you want to impress him. No, he actually told you to! He told you he isn’t proud of you when he is with his friends. You’ve sensed it, you see this reality being rubbed all over your face every single day. He told you he is all about the thigh gap, and you look unattractive with your thighs rubbing on each other.
But wait, it doesn’t end there! Every word he tells you is your gospel truth. Knowing that he feels you are not good enough, makes you feel unworthy. He calls you names, verbal abuse at its best! They begin as a ‘joke’, but they soon shape your reality. They become a projection of the pain brewing in your heart, the emptiness in your soul. You accept it, in fact you embrace it. He raises his hand towards you, you know any minute your face will be covered in purple and brown bruises that even make up cannot hide. You can’t scream, you can’t run, you can’t hide. But you believe you deserve it. You believe you need to be better, stronger… Holding on to this obsession that you believe is love. You have convinced yourself, that he is the man for you. But he isn’t!
Then you think, that the only solution to your situation is compromising your integrity. You think, ‘perhaps he will love me, maybe he will treasure me, if I give him my treasure’! And you give in, fully convinced that this is your way out. This is your opportunity to ‘love’ and ‘be loved’. That the emotional, verbal and physical abuse will stop. But it doesn’t! If anything, it only gets worse. You become his door mat, his ‘play thing’. And the cycle goes on, and on, and on, and on! And you are still there, by his side.
I promise you, girl, that one day, the right man will FIND you. He will lay his eyes on you and be completely smitten by your beauty, your elegance, your grace. Yes, he will see all this and so much more in you. He will see the beauty in you that you never ever thought you had. He will tell you, that you do not deserve to be half-loved anymore. He will pursue you, the right way, the GODLY way. He will hold your hand and walk around proud and happy that you are his. He will boast of your beauty, look into your eyes and smile because he knows that he has found what he has always been looking for. He will tell you that he will not lay with you until your wedding day, not even kiss your lips. He will remind you that you are a temple, God’s temple. He will tell you that he will wait, because you are worth the wait! Worth his patience, worth being pampered, worth being cared for, worth being loved… fully and wholly!
You are power and life itself!
© 2018 - 2023. Call me Mumbua. All Rights Reserved.