I truly apologize for how quiet I have been. I just need a huge crash course on setting my priorities right, but that’s a topic for another day. While I was away, there has been a topic that God so deeply placed in my heart. I just couldn’t go beyond today to talk about it. If there is one thing I know for sure, is that every smile tries to cover depression, pain and mental/physical torture that an individual could be going through. Of course I am not nullifying the fact that smiles are meant to be genuine expressions of joy, but most of the time, we smile as if we are just about to have that photo taken in the studio.
People hate feeling vulnerable, and we definitely love to show everyone else that we have it all together. However, the truth is, most of our worlds are crumbling, but that single smile will be a great deception to everyone else, including ourselves, that everything is just fine. It’s always acceptable to respond, ‘I am good’, ‘I’m well’ or ‘I’m fine’ to that common ‘how are you?’ greeting, but we never really get to that point of vulnerability, where you can share your heartache with close people who ask, ‘Truly, how are you?
Unfortunately it is in the quietness, loneliness and stillness of the heart, that many thoughts of suicide, revenge, malice, greed and all these vices are bred. I could be wrong, but I know for sure that most of the evil going around in the world is cultivated in the dark secret places of the heart. I also know that what we feed our hearts has an overall impact on the thoughts that we have. Then later, our speech becomes an out-pour of what is present in the heart. (Mt 12:34) But I need to say that it is in that quietness, that God desires to draw us closer. It’s a crazy battle in the spiritual realm if you ask me, because the Devil wants you as well. Not for your good like Our Father, but for your downfall. Ephesians 6:12 talks about how our struggle is not against the seen, but the unseen. It just depends on who or what you are making yourself available to.
I grew up in Nairobi, in an estate where you could never lack friends to hang out with. I was always out of the house for most part of the day, and would come back later in the evening. But while I was in high school, we moved to a more quiet reserved area outside the busy city life. (Yup, it is the blessing and curse of most last-borns to end up in their parents’ retirement home). The transition was too devastating. There are only two neighbors in the area, yet I was used to sharing a wall, roof and dozens of rats on the ceiling with the many neighbours we had. It became unbearable. The quietness or our new home became louder by the day. A mostly extroverted girl became more introverted as the years went by. I hated the whole idea of moving. I was upset with my parents for the first few months. I became stubborn.
Sure, it isn’t such a big thing, right? But at the time I felt like it was. And the emotional impact it had on me plunged me into such a bottomless pit of loneliness and bitterness. It was the negative energy that was birthed at that time, that made me so difficult to deal with. I was angry and mad at the world. A mole hill grew into a mountain, and I realize now that that is what The Devil wanted all along, and he succeeded immensely.
So, lately, I have understood why I had to be isolated. Why I had to be taken from all the familiar surroundings and people I was used to, to an area that he could finally reach out to me. I have mentioned several times that I grew up in a christian home, but I was numb to all the teachings. In fact, they were such a bore for me growing up. It’s like I would close my ears during Bible studies yelling’ ‘blah’ ‘blah’ ‘blah’, not quite literally of course. But nowadays it is a whole different story all together.
And most of our lives nowadays are filled with so much junk, clutter and trash that God just wants to pull us away from. It could be that awful music blasting in your headphones, your browsing history, the friends we keep and basically our daily activities. But we have just become too unavailable for God. But know this…
David was in the fields taking care of sheep when the prophet came to anoint the future King of Israel. He was a nobody. Even Prophet Samuel did not consider him fit enough to be king. (1 Sam 16:7) Moses had to be completely alone to see the burning bush that didn’t burn up. Esther had to be one of the exiles to Persia, that she could stand in the gap for her people. Job literally lost everything he had, but got it back, and had more added because of his faith and perseverance. All these Bible heroes, had to go through that isolation. And they also had one more important thing in common – They were available. At least their hearts were. And those are the people God is searching for and strengthening on a daily. 2 Chronicles 16:9 says,
For the eyes of The Lord range throughout the earth, strengthening those whose hearts are fully committed to him.
He wanted to use all these Bible heroes, so that he could exalt them. But we have the Bible in this present day and time, that contains all their practical examples of faith. So, there were all these available heroes, and then there’s you. How available are you?
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